I want to share my personal story with you about struggling with self-worth yet yearning to live a life of inner emotional freedom. 

I used to really doubt myself and looked to others for approval. Essentially, I completely forgot about my divine worth. This began as a child. I was the black sheep of my family, and even though they showed me love in the best way they knew how, I never felt truly understood. 

I was very confused about the voice in my head, despite the fact that it was telling me to trust myself. I started to live in fear and be ashamed of who I was. I became very depressed and anxious. The emotional stress led to the manifestation of physical symptoms like lethargy, painful periods, digestive problems, chronic sinus infections, and even the loss of my vision in times of high stress. And then - I developed a pituitary tumor at age 32... but let me go back just a little bit and I'll get to how this tumor was my greatest gift in helping me to remember my innate self-worth.

I had spent 15 years attempting to “fix myself” by turning to western doctors. Each time, I was prescribed another pill for any new symptom. Finally, after trying multiple anti-depressants and God only knows how many pills for anxiety and sleep, I began to realize the truth of the situation - that these symptoms were a result of something much deeper than a chemical imbalance.

 Looking back on my journey, I think it’s important to share that I always had a voice in my heart telling me that these surface-level fixes were not going to heal me long-term. However, like many people who learned from an early age to look to others for approval, it took me a while to surrender to that inner voice.

Now bringing it back to the 'last physical symptom' - the pituitary tumor - age 32...

Of course when I got the diagnosis I did what I thought I should do and I booked a consultation with a Pituitary Specialist at OHSU. This was as high level as you could get, right? And surely she ought to be able to fix me.

In a single consult with this person I did not know for more than 10 minutes, I was told I would need to start medication immediately, and that they would likely need to remove the tumor surgically in a few months if the medication didn’t work. She also made matter of fact statements like “unless you do this you will never be able to have children and your moods will never stabilize”.

 As I was sitting in the specialists office, everything in my body was telling me to get up and walk out. This was a moment I will never forget and I still remember the initial battle between my head and my heart.  However, this time my heart won. It was the first time I chose to surrender to that inner voice and it blew something inside of me wide open and completely changed the trajectory of my life moving forward. 

I decided to listen to my heart. I chose to pay attention to my body, and I walked out of that office in an instant as the Doctor was still talking to me. Following that appointment I never turned back for any more diagnoses or recommendations in regards to my physical health from the western medical system.

As I drove home from that consultation, I remembered how different I felt in that moment. This was a true moment of empowerment and one that solidified the connection to my inner self-worth, my Soul, and it began the path of me taking my health, body, and healing into my own hands. 

I turned inward and got answers like - change your diet, learn deep relaxation techniques, spend more time in nature, do more of what brings you joy, and use Ancestral Medicines to heal your deep wounds.

Over the last 6 years, I have chosen to follow my heart and intuition, no matter how impossible, or how crazy it sounded to myself or anyone else.

My heart and intuition helped me leave the high-paying job that was sucking the life out of me to become a nutritionist.

My heart and intuition helped me decide to make the move to Mexico, simply because I wanted to be able to surf every day because there was nothing at the time that gave me more joy and freedom.

My heart and intuition have allowed me to surrender to the medicine woman path that I always felt called to do. Now I am fully immersed in working with Ancestral Medicines and educating others about how to get the most out of these journeys as a part of their healing processes and it has never felt more in alignment with my Soul (despite the fact that for over a decade I totally ignored this calling inside of me).

Little by little, with each surrender to my heart and intuition, I feel in every cell of my body that I am worthy of joy, happiness, love and acceptance. 

I look back now on the way I used to judge myself and I see how I developed those stories and I don't beat myself up for it - I love myself for enduring all of that self-inflicted pain and honor those experiences because they helped me finally realize that in order to heal my self-worth I would need to do the inner work that I had been avoiding for years by turning to others for help.

If you are someone who struggles with connecting and EMBODYING your innate self-worth, you are not alone. Improving your self-worth and tuning into the inner voice that knows all of the answers to your deep healing is what we do inside my monthly membership community, the Consciousness Collective.

Please join us for the month of September as we dive into the theme of Embracing Your Sensitivities & Empathic Gifts.  You will have access to all of my past themes when you become a member and there is SO MUCH available to help you wake up, and step into your innate worthiness and embody the Divine Being that you already are.

With So Much Love,

Hollis.